Well, sit back and brace yourself. Normal for me is not normal for the next person, or the person that has not been hit over the head with the shocking misfortune of losing a loved one. I speak from experience losing my Geoff was a terrifying blow. When I was seven I found my Grandfather face down on his desk, that day has haunted me for so long. I remember the night before he passed. I hugged him so tightly and he held me close and whispered goodbye, it still brings me to tears when I think of being so little and feeling him slip away, my grandfather was not sick, he had lived a full life. He said to me, he was going some place I couldn't go at the time and it would be some time until we would see each other, but to be brave. I thought he was being silly, somehow he must have known. On that day, after finding him I went to my mom and said his head was lying on his desk and his eye was bleeding. Mom, let out this primal scream and shouted at my brother and I to run and get the Nurse up the hill. I remember the silence as we ran, the blacktop warm and the ambulance and lights. Mom, asked us not to come in and I remember her eyes tear filled.
That time in my life, I will never forget and those years after Grandpa Kenny kept me in fear of death. I was afraid the images in my head would be forever burned in my mind. Life went on and losses continued, but none that effected me so profoundly. When Geoff was diagnosed my worst fears were realized. At 29 with two small children I felt like a wounded Lioness, how could this be happening to me? What did I do to cause this? Blaming my self for Cancer invading my life and disrupting my Fairytale...I had no other option, but to face this Dragon and for my own sanity and the happiness of my children be strong. There were times when that Primal scream I once heard from my mother, came bellowing out of me.
Normal, stopped the day of his diagnosis. Nothing really seemed important, the palatial home, the fancy cars, the trips to exotic places, the social climbing...All I could focus on was not allowing his 30 day sentence to come true. If I could get one more day, one more smile, one more opportunity for my kids to know their DAD, then it was a milestone met with "the happy dance."
Normal; our schedules were flipped and out of wack when he was awake, so were we, when Jay Leno was our Today Show, and Good Morning Sacramento was our Late night. Meals, were unconventional and served whenever, Breakfast could be cupcakes or chocolate cake, routine and societies acceptability didn't really matter to us. We did what worked. Our home was a revolving door of friends and neighbors. Some, keep to themselves and that is to be respected. Geoff, however wanted everyone to experience this battle in our lives. I believe his youthful side wanted others to see that no matter how high you have climbed that ladder of succes, life has a way of deciding your destiny.
Normal; School although it handicapped my kids by not attending regularly, the time they had to travel and laugh and be with their Dad was priceless. They are now 13 years older and have managed to catch up to the school standards. Their education was broadened because they were taught to care for someone, to face things little ones should be sheltered from. My children were involved from beginning to end, they we allowed to have their own feelings and experiences. Good and Bad...Questions? They had a ton, Geoff and I answered them honestly.
Normal, I could write for hours on how abnormal our life was and still is. It has taught me a lot about those who judge and those who accept. Life doesn't always turn out the way we plan, we need to be open to adjust at all time.
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