Danny Gokey...I will not say Goodbye

When you listen to the words he sings, it sends a chill down your spine.  He gets it, he lost his wife to congenital heart disease.  There are many lines in his lyrics that resonate, "sometimes the road just ends, it changes everything you've been,"  "I am supposed to be strong, I am supposed to find a way to carry on"
In his video one of the women talks about after her loss, as she managed to pick up the pieces she felt like she was walking into a disappointment, you feel like a failure.  He also sings "I don't want to feel better" "I don't want to not remember"  One of the biggest fears is that we will forget, for my kids especially Harrison, he was so young that he can't remember, and that is a huge hole I cannot fill. I can't make him remember, I can certainly show him videos and pictures, but he cannot access memories himself and that causes major frustration for him. It angers him more than anything.  I too don't want to forget, I place those memories deep inside and when it is still and I am alone, I can remember what was and what should have been.  My tears are carefully released, I have allowed them to flow from time to time. Immediately after losing Geoff I held the tears in for many reasons. My kids needed me to keep it together. I knew that if I did cry, I could fill every ocean, lake, river and stream.  I honestly was fearful that I would never stop crying.  The pain is still sharp, but now it comes in waves.  A song can trigger a flood of emotion, a shared experience, the jingle of keys in the door.  Little things that people take for granted, to those who have lost; the anniversary of the passing could catapult you into sleeping all day, where the birthday of a loved one makes you want to have cake and release balloons.  Do what makes you happy! Live your life and don't worry about those who judge. There is a lot to say about "walk a mile in my shoes", it is easy to say what you would do. Until you actually have to do it.  Making decisions that affect so many, answering questions you never dreamed of answering.  Asking questions you don't want to hear the answers too.  Managing medication, scheduling Dr.s, trying to meet every ones needs and finding time to brush your teeth and hair.  Danny Gokey, sings "I will laugh, I will cry, shake my fist at the sky, but I will not say Goodbye!" Goodbye seems so permanent, believing you will see them again makes each day bearable.