21 Years?

What can I say?  Nearly 13 years after the "Interruption"....I,  on certain days still feel the rumbling of pain course through my soul.  Having our anniversary so close to Thanksgiving, and sometimes it falls smack on that day of "Thanks".  I get through the day without too many tears, but randomly they fall.  I swallow the hurt and continue on...You are etched in my heart, heavy it weighs but grateful as well.

Can you hear my thoughts, feel my pain? life has gone on, I have faced the horrific job of seeing my youngest endure great loss and search for finding himself.  Many changes have occurred in the past year.  My daughter has moved away and found a "Life"...The everyday calls have turned to weekly, now to monthly, but that doesn't make me sad...it actually makes me "Smile".  It is a reminder that my job as MOM was done well.  She doesn't need to attach herself to me, I am not her "Tether"...She is grounded, self sufficient and relies on her own compasses.

My Son is fairing well, we have had an adventure this year...He has matured and has had to work hard on accepting the cards he was dealt.  He doesn't seek to blame, but to understand how all of us are so different, what affects one does not another.  What people hold as important, others can live without.

I too have found myself "Pulling Back", searching to find where I fit in and where I do not.  My soul aches at "Gossip".  In the ingenuous....I can admit I have been guilty of both.  I want to learn to hold my tongue and pass less judgment and try more understanding.  If that means I  sit out and avoid, then I will most likely find myself with fewer friends, but that is okay.

I find motivation lately trying at best....I get spurts of energy that arrive at the most curious of times, and then like a shooting star, it dissipates and I find myself; thinking more then doing.

I lay resting and hear my heartbeat, I feel it pump blood into my veins and I know I was left here for some purpose, from time to time it is revealed.  But, for now I wait wondering just what impact I will have in the upcoming days....T